Budgets: Why I'm starting to think boys might be better than girls

Being better endowed with financial skills than I, Zach created a working budget for the first nine months of our marriage--that is, the time we will still be in school. I really praise God that so many of my weaknesses (in this case, budgeting) are his strengths and vice-versa. Now, that's not to say I am terrible with money. I have budgeted in the past, I can save when I'm working towards something, I clip coupons and look for deals and research before I buy, I don't spend what I don't have. But just saving just because? That has never been a strong point for me. Now I finally have the opportunity and the accountability to do better.

We are aiming to save 40% or so of our income in the coming months; it's for emergency and travel (honeymoon especially), but that is still a good amount as we will need an egg when we start our job searches and have to move where we do find a job (hopefully in the North East, East Coast, or Mid-West). We will also be starting to pay back student loans (*groan*). It will be a good habit to continue the rest of our life together, and we will still have our own spending money, money for entertainment, miscellaneous fund, etc. I am excited about budgeting! HAHAHA! : ) (Hey, I always liked doing the grocery budget...this is just an extension.)

But our toiletry and household goods fund? Even though I already knew, I just realized how much more girls cost than guys. This does not seem like a big problem when girls and boys are small, but those same kids turn into teenagers who need and want a lot of stuff. Hmmm....

This won't be an issue for another 20 or so years (when our hypothetical children will be turning 13 or so), thank God!

(Yes, that's what I call the kids we may or may not have: hypothetical.) I am in a silly mood today because I haven't had enough sleep but am still wide awake.

I'm sorry...

Yesterday I had a very humbling experience when I inadvertently offended one of my best friends. We were discussing some of the plans for the wedding, and I wanted to clarify some of things Zach and I want (such as a reception separate from the wedding). This is rather difficult to do in texts with a 160-character limit, so I finally referred her to my blog. The answers to some of her questions were not necessarily posted (yet); I thought that perhaps the handful of entries I have posted thus far would illustrate the type of wedding we want: simple, intimate, non-traditional.

I regret my comments towards "the $25,000, princess in fluffy white, awkward unity candle, Baptist-punch wedding[s] and reception[s]." I want to apologize if I have offended anyone or hurt their feelings because of some of the things I have said in my past entries, especially this comment.

There is no excuse for the harsh words I have used. The purpose of this blog should not be to attack other brides and grooms and the traditions they choose to employ in any way--or to attack anyone who wants to share in this time with us. If I do such a thing, I am being a hypocrite. I tend to take a very snarky tone these days when it comes to weddings because, no matter how much you try to pare down a wedding, it is still stressful. Zach and I don't want to let down any of our family and friends as we try to maintain the integrity of the wedding we have in mind.

It is incredibly frustrating, this wedding-planning business. I know I am not the first bride to feel this way, but it is still no excuse. Geez, Louise, it's no wonder so many brides become depressed before and after their weddings, or that stress tears couples and families apart. We are just two weeks in, and it already seems that everyday is spent defending another choice we are making. Thus this blog has had a very sarcastic and defensive tone at times because I have used it as an outlet to vent my frustrations, rather than looking at things objectively. I feel like all of my time is spent explaining and justifying and defending our decisions because we have so little time to plan everything...and I want everyone to be involved...and everyone wants to be involved...so all of the stress and drama is at warp-speed. (I wonder if you can be a bride and not sound like a bitch?)

But I have no excuse for the tone I may take. Even now I feel the need to justify and defend because that is in my nature, but what I need to do is stop. All I can do is apologize and try to do better. Simply put, I am sorry. I am truly sorry.

The purpose of this blog is to document our very short engagement, our wedding plans, and the exploration of wedding traditions as our plans progress. Many of my posts will be about various traditions that we may or may not use for our wedding as these issues arise in our planning. I will faithfully do my research on these things, looking at their origins and their evolutions--how they made their way into modern weddings. I hope I do not offend anyone but offering my opinions along with what I find as long as I take a more objective tone.

(And, yes, I asked Zach to write some entries, too, but he so often says I am the better writer, I don't know if my pleas will come to fruition.)

Every wedding I have been to has been beautiful and unique in its own right. No two weddings are ever the same, even if they are carried out in the same places with the same traditions (and probably even with the same people--haha!). I have been honored to serve in a number of weddings, but even more so, I have treasured thinking about the years to come when a bride and groom I know and love will sit and think back on their life lived together at one year, five years, 10 years, 50.

And that is what I want: the beginning of a life together, not one hour or a day. I know the theme I choose or the flowers I carry or the flavor of the cake will not really matter. That is not to say I don't want an elegant wedding because I do, but I am trying to remember that, on the day(s) after our wedding (and reception), we will return to normalcy, which is perfect already. (Thank you, Zach, for reminding me of that.) We wouldn't have gotten to where we are now had we not decided to spend each day beside one another--eating, working, breathing, and all the mundane activities we do each day to survive.

There is always such joy at wedding celebrations, but I like to imagine the joy of a couple's golden anniversary when they are surrounded by children, grandchildren, and friends, looking back on the ordinary days they have lived together--and know that what matters at the end of the day is the love we all share which makes our lives worth living.

Thank you for reminding me to remember that.

the cutest and the sweetest ball of cat fur I could ever love, Hobie
I only wish I had known him as a baby "ritty rat!"

When I Say "I Do"

Holy Cow. I think I just wrote my wedding vows.

;)

Here's your notice: SAVE THE DATE

So this morning I decided to start perusing invitation ideas because that seems to be a logical place to begin, right? (We have already started physically looking at wedding locations and researching officiates, and this is next on our to-do list.)

I found this incredibly horrible VerseIt.com website that prided itself on being a resource for invite wording; Zach and I laughed and laughed over them, especially the fishing ones and this gem ("Out of wind and prairie dust, a cactus flower stands: a tribute to our love so true are elements it will withstand.")

After looking at site after site, I noticed that many focused more so on "Save the Date" cards than on the actual invitations, the idea being that your invites take their cue from your "STD" cards. I am familiar with "STD" cards, having received them in the past for my friends' weddings. I also remember an episode of "Regis and Kelly" a couple years ago in which the co-hosts debated the etiquette behind "STD" cards. One of Regis's daughters was getting married and had sent out some "STDs;" her father insisted on how useless these notifications were. Shouldn't the invitations serve as your notice to "save the date?"

I agree with Regis. (Hey, I like Big Poppa.) So I began to look at "STD" etiquette. On one website, I found this statement:

Save the Date Cards are announcements that inform your guests of your future wedding in order to keep your special day free (DO THE INVITATIONS NOT SERVE THIS PURPOSE? THEY ARE SENT BEFORE THE WEDDING AND TELL YOU WHEN IT IS HAPPENING.).

They ("STD" cards) are essential in the following situations: if many of your guests are traveling to your wedding (AREN'T WE ALL TRAVELING IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER? OK, OK, I KNOW...WE HAVE A FEW OUT-OF-CENTRAL AR AND OUT-OF-STATE GUESTS, BUT WE ARE HAVING AN INTIMATE WEDDING WHERE PRACTICALLY ALL OUR GUESTS HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED OF OUR QUICKLY APPROACHING NUPTIALS PERSONALLY. IF THEY CANNOT COME, WE WILL MISS THEIR PRESENCE, BUT IT WILL NOT MAKE OR BREAK OUR WEDDING.),

your wedding takes place on or around a holiday (NEGATIVE--SEPTEMBER 19TH IS NOT ON OR AROUND A HOLIDAY, EXCEPT MAYBE AUNT TAY'S BIRTHDAY. MY APOLOGIES.),

you are planning a faraway destination wedding (NOPE, ARKANSAS IS NOT FARAWAY FOR MOST OF OUR GUESTS.),

or your wedding will take place in a seasonally busy or tourist locale (WE'RE GETTING MARRIED IN ARKANSAS. THIS IS NOT A HAPPENING PLACE.),

where the flights and hotels perhaps book up early (I DON'T THINK THIS WILL BE A PROBLEM--IT'S ARKANSAS. I IMAGINE OUR OUT-OF-CENTRAL AR OR OUT-OF-AR GUESTS ARE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO MAKE THEIR OWN ARRANGEMENTS.).

These are situations when "STD" cards are necessary, and I do not think these stipulations apply to our wedding. Traditionally "STD" cards were only used for the most formal weddings or those occurring on or around holidays, and obviously we are not going hoity-toity. Everyone is busy, year-round, so even if you sent "STD" cards three years in advance, there would still be invited guests who would or could not attend.

So here is your notice to "save the date;" we're gettin' hitched September 19th! HUZZAH! If you get an invitation within the coming weeks, we would be honored if you would attend as one of our guests. If not, you didn't make the cut; our location may be too small, so we will only be able to invite so many relatives and close friends. Sorry, but we want to crush all of your egos upfront. You matter, but it's OUR wedding. I hope your prayers and best wishes will still be with us, even if you have no need to save OUR date.

Open Me-Love Me-Marry Me

Two weeks ago Zach proposed to me in Kansas City, Missouri. After a sunset carriage ride around the Plaza, we rode up to Westmoreland Bed and Breakfast. Once inside, the innkeeper left us outside our room. When I opened the door, I found a bottle of champagne and a box of chocolate-covered strawberries with signs that said "DRINK ME" and "EAT ME" posted near them. When I turned around, I saw a crawlspace with as sign that said "OPEN ME" on it. Zach told me to open it, and when I did, I found a shadowbox inside. It was filled with pictures, souvenirs, and various mementos of my relationship with Zach; there was a picture of The Flying Saucer, where we met on September 19, 2008; pictures of of Lewis Carroll and Alice in Wonderland; his high tea invitation I gave him at Christmas. Zach really isn't emotional or sentimental (except when it comes to us), so when I saw the shadowbox, I knew I had to take a close look at it. Of course, when I picked it up, I saw a sign hidden behind it: "MARRY ME." Not knowing whether or not he would have something to say, I carefully looked over the shadowbox before turning to him. "Please say yes!" was all he could get out, and the rest, they say, is history. When I lifted up the sign, I found a beautiful round diamond ring that looks like a snowflake. (Snow is my favorite thing in the world.)

You can check out our press release here: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31206399&id=82200807#/video/video.php?v=621219424337

Since Zach proposed to me, I thought we should document the progression of our wedding plans. We are not doing the $25,000, princess in fluffy white, awkward unity candle, Baptist-punch wedding and reception. We are individuals, so we should have a unique ceremony and celebration. Zach is crazy, if you don't already know. (So am I.) Two weeks in, I am already stressed with this mess. As stressful as it is to go traditional, it is much more difficult to emphasize that you and your fiancee's wedding is YOURS--and you are going to do it your way. I keep reminding myself to "remember what matters," and so, in that spirit, here are a few pictures to document the journey Zach and I have taken to this point.

our first date-like outing (September 28)


a month in (Costume Election Party)

one of my favorites (November 21)


meeting Zach's parents (Christmas)


second trip to KC (early January)


gingerbread house (late January)


Spring Break


Memphis (March)


IHOP with graduating friends (May)


Zach goes to China (May 16)


picnic before I left for the British Isles (late May)



Marshmallow Roast (early July)


We're engaged! (July 20)


Zach's Mad Hatter Birthday Party (July 25)