Lifting the Veil on Wearing One

Nuns and courtesans, brides and widows, ladies and prostitutes: all of these women have been veiled.

Unlike many modern brides, I love the traditional veil, especially when worn over the face. It has been my dream to have a traditionally long veil over my face and trailing behind me; fortunately I do have the opportunity to wear a vintage veil for my wedding. Most brides today, if they choose to use a veil, merely attach to their coif as a decorative piece, rather than incorporating the traditional lift of the veil to reveal the bride's face at the beginning of the ceremony.

It's not necessarily that I like any of the symbolic meanings behind the veil: submission and subordination, protection against evil spirits, virginity and purity, the significance of the bride, the bad luck of the groom seeing the bride before the wedding, etc. Honestly, I just like the romantic appeal of the veil: how it shimmers and shines and is not a commonplace accessory these days.

But why do brides wear veils?

The use of veils has been both practical and ceremonial/religious. Veils were initially worn by noble women to set them apart; prostitutes and common women were forbade to use veils. Such coverings could also protect a lady's skin from the sun, wind, or any of the other elements. (At one time, pale skin was prized because it meant you did not have to work in the sun.) Some women also used veils when they did not want to be seen or recognized; in this sense, the veil became a sort of mask. At this point, with the use of mysterious or questionable actions, the veil was adopted by common women (and, yes, I mean that in every sense of the word).

However, veils have also been used to shroud objects of value and significance. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, women are also encouraged to cover their heads, and veils could be used as such. This is best illustrated in other religious practices where altars or tabernacles are hidden. In many ways, the bride, too, has always been treated as an object of value that must be protected; at one time, it was said a woman's long hair was a sign of virginity. Today, in matrimonial practices, the veil could be seen as replacing the bride's long flowing hair. Dating and courtship is a thing of the present; in the past, marriages were arranged by parents, usually as a business arrangement, and so the woman would rarely be seen by her future husband (if at all). This tradition is carried on in many cultures today, the veil symbolizing the bride's purity. (Please see my post on wearing white to further understand the importance of the bride's purity.)

The lifting of the veil symbolizes the groom taking the bride as his (whether object or lover/wife, I'll leave that to your opinion). The veil ultimately hints at the mysterious and the unknown, and so the use and lifting of the veil symbolizes one's undertaking to know. (And, yes, I mean that in every possible sense of the word. ;)

Goin' to the L-I-B-R-A-R-Y, and we're gonna get married...

A lot has been going on, so I've had to miss writing a day here and there. We went to Little Rock on Monday and picked up our invitation and flower supplies. Tuesday we stayed in town and got the rest of the invitation materials (white ink had to be exchanged for silver and LR was out of pearls), and we stopped by Faulkner County Library.

We hadn't heard from them, so I felt the need to double-check, in person, that we would still be able to get married there. (I get really nervous about these sorts of things.) Ruth Voss, the librarian, spoke with us again and promised to commit to being there if the assistant librarian could not be. She said it was full steam ahead! We went all around the library again, looking at doors we could use to bring in decorations, food, etc. and how to arrange the chairs--those sorts of details. We also asked if they had a projector and screen for our slideshow, which they do. HUZZAH! We are getting married in a library on September 19th--perfect!

This news also means we can make our invitations this week. We are going to work on them tomorrow, aiming to finish them to be mailed out this weekend. Zach bid on some Tenniel Alice illustration rubber stamps, but we'll probably have to use them on wedding decor or for the reception envelopes because they won't be in on time. We bought a key rubber stamp to use instead of the herald rabbit...and possibly in place of seals. Hopefully the Post Office has King and Queen of Hearts stamps...

Speaking of the Post Office, Zach called them again on Tuesday. Turns out my ring is NOT lost...it has just failed to arrive in Washington yet. Registered mail can take a while to arrive, and until it does, the Post Office will NOT have a record of the package. Whoever was on the phone on Monday was a liar and an idiot who didn't know a thing about registered mail. If you don't know, just shut it, ok? (Nearly gave my mother a heart attack when I told her my ring was lost...)

Erin is assembling my bouquet and making it beautiful. Tasha is planning on taking bridal pix at The Old Mill once I have a sash and everything in order. Our engagement pictures are scheduled for the 22nd. Zach's parents are working on food and flowers. We have figured out the party favors. Zach booked a bed-and-breakfast in Eureka Springs for the 20th and 21st. (We realized that Eureka Springs is three-and-a-half hours away, not leaving us much time to enjoy the B&B if we stayed just the 19th and 20th; we're staying in the area the first night.) :) Everything regarding the wedding is coming along. I just want everything planned and squared away, with as much done as possible before school starts next week.

I'm so excited! I can't wait until we're married!

If you find a lost engagment ring, please contact ME!

So the United States Postal Service lost my engagement ring?! Are you kidding me?!

[Thank God for insurance, right? *grrr*]

Daily Frustration

AHHHHHHH!

This weddin'-plannin' business is STRESSFUL.

Thank God one of us is still sane and logical to keep the other one together.

And I will let you guess which one is which. ;)

Why Brides Wear White

I had wanted to talk about this relevant issue yesterday, but my entry on shopping ended up being much longer than I had expected. Thank God for all our tomorrows.

So...I ended up with a somewhat-fluffy whitish dress. So sue me, ok? It was not what I wanted when I started planning, but I love it! (And it was a great deal and under my budget.) It's an ivory dress with a sweetheart neckline and capped sleeves: incredibly elegant and timeless.

But actually going dress shopping did raise a few questions (and eyebrows). Why do brides wear white?

In our culture, it is traditional for the bride to wear a dress of some shade of white, whether snow white, ivory, or cream. We have come to associate the color white with the bride's purity (i.e. her virginity). But there has always been much emphasis placed on the bride's virginity...er, purity...in the long tradition of matrimony. A long, long, long time, ago marriages were not matters of the heart, but of business, and let's just say businessmen don't like to buy "damaged" or "spoiled" goods. So in the past (or in old movies...or movies set in older times), so-called "loose" women and those not entering into their first marriages were/are scoffed at for wearing this now-traditional bridal color.

But white was not always the choice for ladies walking down the aisle. While white has long been associated with joy and celebration, it has never been a practical color. For ages, brides have been marrying in whatever clothes were special to them in every shade imaginable...but less likely in white. White is obviously easily sullied, and so only the rich could afford to wear and care for the color. A white garment has always been more difficult to launder (which is why I rarely wear it), and so it would not be suitable for daily wear. Only the wealthy could afford to wear white.

Trendsetter Queen Victoria popularized the white dress when she married Prince Albert in 1840. Up until that time, brides wore what they had. In other cultures, you will find dresses in colors traditional to that culture. There is no shame in choosing to wear a dress that is not white or off-white. Brides today are becoming increasingly comfortable in choosing to express their personalities or simply what color in which they look best. If I had found an affordable blue dress, or chose to wear my favorite color black, or picked red because my mother always says I look good in red, I would have proudly worn such a dress, even if every person called me Jezebel Pharr after we said, "I do."

How to Maneuver Your Way Through Dress Shop Marketing Ploys

So I went wedding dress shopping yesterday with two of my best friends, Tasha and Stephanie. We started out at Alfred Angelo's because I have never been there, and they said they were really nice. I tried on nine different dresses, including one that made simultaneously feel like a frosted cupcake and a peacock.

My consultant was fairly nice, but always feel that bridal shops and salespeople are snooty and patronizing. (It is a marketing ploy to think it is the bride's special day and thus she must be treated like a queen.) My friends jumped right in to assist me with trying on dresses, so I didn't have to deal with a consultant dressing me. There was one slim dress I really liked for $299...and I also found a bridesmaid dress in blue with white flowers that was lovely (but there wasn't enough time to order one before the wedding).

After Alfred Angelo's, I decided I wanted to go ahead and go to David's Bridal because they were having their $99 sale. Now, when Stephanie, Tasha, and my cousin Erin went bridal shopping in the past, I accompanied each of them to David's on some visit. We were ever disappointed. The salespeople are typically rude and insistent, as if by doing so, they will make you feel inferior for spending less money so you will spend more to feel better about yourself. (That is not a sound scientific hypothesis, but having been to many bridal shops, I believe it is plausible.)

I decided I wanted to try to maneuver my way through David's Bridal. When they asked to fill out information sheets, I told them I had already registered online. Yet I still had to fill them out...and they also wanted Zach is information, no doubt to harass him about tuxes and Men's Wearhouse. I also didn't give them a wedding date because I knew I would get the same old "song-and-dance" routine: must buy off-rack, no time to order, less money will be spent, less service will be offered. (Of course Tasha ended up giving them the date for me...*lol*) Then we had to wait until a consultant came in at one, so we looked at bridesmaid dresses and started pulling gowns from the $99 rack. Another lady snapped at us not to do that because my consultant would get whatever I wanted. (But how would she know...? I think myself and my friends are best qualified to know what I will like, right?)

But my consultant there ended up better than I expected, though she seemed patronizing towards our non-traditional wedding ideas and Tasha found her "fake." But she wasn't a complete snob, which was more than I expected, so it was fine. She did, however, undress me with only a corset bra and weird slip on and with the door open. Stephanie, too, was not exactly happy to be back at David's. *lol* I can't really blame her...bridal shops and boutiques like that always make me uncomfortable. I prefer to come in and shop by myself without being watched like a thief or waited on hand-and-foot. It just makes you feel...awkward.

Anyway, I tried on four dresses, three that were on sale and one that was a blue bridesmaid gown. I liked the bridesmaid gown and a mermaid dress with a navy blue ribbon, but there was a beautiful ivory dress that fit perfectly. :) It was simple but still had a vintage feel to it, and could add a sash. I had grown tired of wedding gowns, especially after this mother-of-a-bride gave me a "Go-to-hell" look when I came out in the blue dress, so I said I would come back tomorrow with my mom and try that one on, along with the blue one. (The sale ends Monday, so I needed to make a decision by tomorrow because the dress would probably be gone very soon.)

We went to the mall to see what regular stores offered and found practically nothing. I figured since it is summer that white dresses would have taken over the shops. But, it is the end of the summer, so perhaps that is why the picks were so far and few in between. At Dillard's it was near impossible to find a simple and plain white dress for under $100. That seemed ridiculous to me since I could get a perfectly lovely bridal gown for that price. I didn't want much...just a simple dress with a blue sash and a few flourishes, but I wanted to wear some nicer material than cotton or jersey.

On the way home, we talked about the ivory dress and the others I liked. I kept thinking that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad deal to get that dress when I would pay more for something much less. I was so tired of looking. I showed pictures of me trying on dresses to Tasha's Aunt Tay, and she said she thought I should get it. She also loaned me her slip so it would make my dress fuller. I called my mother and told her I was coming to see her to talk about it. When showed her the pictures, she loved it and said she wanted to buy it for me. She's thrilled about the idea of me wearing a bridal gown!

So...I went and got the dress! My consultant was there, and she was glad I came back. Another saleswoman rang up the sale and told me how she had asked my consultant which dress I liked better and that she hoped I would come back for the ivory one. I thought that was rather presumptuous, but I got a dress I love and under budget. I am a very happy camper! :)

I called Zach and told him all about it. He said he knew I made a good choice and couldn't wait to see it (if I would show it to him). I don't understand these superstitions about the groom not seeing the dress, except for maybe the surprise of it. But we are going to see each other all day before the wedding, and since he is my very best friend, he is the one with whom I most wanted to share my good news. I couldn't wait for him to see the dress either, so, when I came home, put it on. He loved it, calling it "classicist." I do have a few surprises left up my sleeve, so didn't show him everything about the dress. ;)

I bought my wedding dress! That is sooo weird. *lol*

Work(s) in Progress

Lots of things have started rolling...! ! !

On Monday, we went to talk to the staff at Faulkner County Library. I was sooo nervous, which made Zach nervous, which made me more nervous, which made him more nervous...oh, it was a vicious never-ending cycle in the parking lot. Zach said I should probably talk since I am the bride--and people are supposed to listen to brides. *lol* When we went in, we were so nervous that we even let a few people cut in line. Then I went up to the desk and simply said, "I don't know who I need to talk to, but we want to get married here."

And how did the assistant reply? "Well, I'll go find someone, but they're probably going to say no." :{ (That certainly didn't help our anxiety, to say the least.

Well the librarian came out, and I introduced us (and provided a snippet of what we needed), and she introduced herself (Gosh, what was her name?! Something "Voss...") and said we should just go sit down in her office and chat. She was very sweet and enthusiastic, which definitely relieved some of our anxiety after that first negative comment. She assumed that we wanted a meeting room, but when we said we were looking at the stacks, she said that would be absolutely fine. The library is very receptive to our plans because they have had two weddings in the stacks previously (!) and would allow some food & beverages, decorations, etc. She took us around the library and talked about how lovely and perfect it would be for us. (It probably didn't hurt that we told her we wanted to provide a monetary donation to the library!) She took down our information and is supposed to call us soon once she has confirmed that a staff member can stay after hours. But even that didn't seem a problem, and when we said we would pay of course, she said that wouldn't be a big deal.

If we haven't heard by Friday, we are calling back because we need to get the invitations going out soon.

Speaking of invites, I think I designed our invitations yesterday at Hobby Lobby in about 30 minutes (!). Zach and I went back today after a lunch at Holly's (I had THREE kinds of potatoes. ;), and he liked my ideas a lot (!). We are probably going to do light blue textured cardstock with the information printed in the center. Across the top, we are going to stamp a white or silver border of some sort (either hearts or floral) and add some pearl embellishments here and there (because pearls are elegant and I plan to wear them). We may add the border at the bottom, depending on how crowded the text is. There will be a quote from Alice in a smaller font before the information, and then on the envelopes we are going to stamp the White Rabbit as the court herald and the words "OPEN ME." We haven't decided if we are going to use any seals or what-not (though we like wax seals and found some cute blue and silver sticker seals at Big Lots)...but the post office has King and Queen of Hearts stamps right now. Perfect!

Initially we had planned to do our engagement photos this Sunday with a student photographer who did some of our friends' photos. She was very excited about the Alice-inspiration behind our relationship and started coming up with all kinds of ideas, like using our tea set and picnic basket under a tree with lights. We are sooo excited. : )

Today, however, I was washing my hands in the bathroom and was looking at the ring I have been wearing since mine was shipped off to Washington to be re-sized. We sent the engagement ring off on Monday, and since then, I have alternately been wearing my "True Love Waits" ring (which is a heart encrusted with alternating sapphires and diamonds) and a yellow gold ring with a diamond stud my mother gave me.

Even though I don't like yellow gold, Mama's ring fits perfectly, unlike the "TLW" ring, which requires a snuggie, so I decided to stick with Mama's ring to get in the habit of having a ring on that important finger. (Now it feels naked without one!) Well I was looking at it when I realized, "You HAVE to have your engagement ring for your engagement photos, Dum-Dum!" Guess when my ring is coming back? That's right...not until next week. This means our pictures are temporarily postponed. : (

Hey, at least I have more time to get my hair-did, right?

Tomorrow Stephanie and Tasha are going wedding dress shopping with me. Can't wait...!